I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
