I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
