i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
