Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
