Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
