He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Its about making memories worth repressing
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
