I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
