you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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