Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
