In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
