Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
