Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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