New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
