I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
