remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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