I accidentally burped into my bong.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
