Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
