I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
