so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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