I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
