GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
