just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
