I wish I could teleport
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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