Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
