Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
