OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
