That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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