actually, I'm a sock model
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
