She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
