i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
