I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
