To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If that was your dad, he is hot
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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