Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
