he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
