I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
