i just wanna soil my oats bro
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
