The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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