lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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