I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
