i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
