Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
