Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
