so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
