You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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