My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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