I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you made out with another girl for some wings
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
