We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
