I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In other news, I just burned my penis
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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