If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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