apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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