My first STD was from a foam party
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
