Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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