I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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