Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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