wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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