Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
